We asked Positive News readers what makes their relationships go the distance. From kindness and communication, to attending tantra workshops and jumping around in mosh pits, this is what they had to say
Whoever said romance was dead should take a look at the Positive News inbox. Since we asked readers to share their secrets to a successful relationship, we have been flooded with responses. It’s been inspiring to read them all – and read them all we did.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, some key themes emerged. ‘Respect’, ‘trust’ and ‘kindness’ came up a lot. ‘Forgiveness’, too. Many readers also agreed on the need to communicate openly and honestly, and to give their partners the space to develop as individuals.
A large number of you stressed the importance of keeping the fun going. Others had less conventional – but evidently no less effective – recipes for staying together, including having open relationships.
Below are some of the responses we received. We couldn’t publish them all. And in the spirit of giving each other space, we had to trim some down to allow for more inclusions. Thank you to everyone who got in touch.
Your secrets to a successful relationship
Code words
“‘Goat!’ This silly word saved our relationship in the early days, while we were still figuring each other out. We decided to use a code word if one of us was upset by something the other person was doing or said. When ‘goat’ was yelled, we stopped everything and talked it out, explaining things from both sides (and making sure to listen and acknowledge the other person’s perspective). Using a silly word really helped break the tension and this process helped us better understand each other. Six years in, we are happily married with our second child on the way.” – K Edmondson, Southsea, England
Breaking bread
“Myself and my partner have been together for 15 years, and it may sound simple but we always make sure we have breakfast together. It’s a daily ritual for us. We both do our own form of exercise first thing and always meet at 7.30 at the breakfast bar, music on, fresh coffee made. We read a daily stoic reading, and chat about its meaning and our thoughts. We talk about everything and nothing while enjoying our brekkie, watching nature in the garden and the sunrise over the sea. It’s such a crucial part of the day, and one I cherish and look forward to.” – R Burgess, Penarth, Wales
Many of you said how important it was to eat meals together. Image: Brooke Lark
Respect
“Being fully respectful of each other’s needs. I am an introvert with mental health issues, and my partner is an extrovert with none. He knows I can’t always come with him to social and family things, and I know that he needs to go to them. We have time together and time for ourselves.” – K Richardson, Plymouth, England
“Curious respect for our differences and similarities, and a want for each other to be well and happy is at the core of our relationship.” – A P, Brighton, England
“In our 23-year relationship I bring liberal ideology while my partner brings conservative pragmatism. This might sound volatile, but in reality respect brings circumspect thinking.” – Gee
Communication
“We talk about everything, especially things that are annoying us. We try to bring things into the open as soon as possible so it doesn’t get bottled up and multiply. Even when it’s uncomfortable, we make a massive effort to articulate how we are feeling and what would be helpful from the other person.” – A Amerigo, Auckland, New Zealand
“Do the work. This includes therapy, if needed. Continuously communicate your needs and ensure their needs are met. Always respect each other. And have fun together. Pick a hobby or fun activity to do every once in a while together so you have something to share. It keeps things exciting to see your partner be good at something they love.” – Zee, New Jersey, US